I mean hiccoughs! Proper, " where-did-these-bloody-things-come-from"?! spastic diaphragm, ( somebody sever the d*mn nerve, please!) involuntary, unbidden and unwelcome hiccoughs. Started Tuesday about noon and didn't stop until almost midnight! On and off, mostly on, pretty much all day. All the usual treatments didn't really help: holding my breath ( I was going to try for 10 minutes, failed), perhaps getting the kids to scare me, but they may have enjoyed it too much and not stopped! And water, buckets of the stuff, gallons, flowing into me like a waterfall. The latter trick worked the best, but even that only worked for a short while and then the wretched things would return again!
At first I suspected the chemotherapy but that didn't seem quite right. So I checked the patient advice leaflets in the three boxes of antiemetics I got. Sure enough buried deep in the side effects of dexamethasone was hiccoughs . Next stop was Dr Google. And apparently, (I can hear the laughter already) middle aged men on high doses of corticosteroids can often experience hiccoughs. In desperation I contacted the chemo helpline at CGH. The nurse who answered the phone was unaware of the potential side-effects but found it eventually buried even deeper in the BNF. I was hiccoughing into the phone as we were speaking, as if to highlight my plight.. ( I might have opened my mouth a bit too wide for emphasis). I asked if I could cut the dose in half. She asked the doctor, with predictable results. "No," was the reply. "Oh really? I'm ready to start killing right now. Perhaps I should start with you?"
I didn't actually say that. I was very polite. So I started drinking more water. I must have drank 3 litres between 6 in the evening and near midnight when the hiccoughs finally subsided and I managed to fall asleep. I got up 5 times that night, ( I thought it was my prostate, and I thought, "Oh God, not that as well!" But I remembered the water).
Next day I cut the dose in half. Don't tell anyone.
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