The times since my last blog (has it been that long?!) have consisted of a) dealing with symptoms and b) looking within for answers to problems thrown up by walking this Amazing Journey.
Firstly the symptoms. I had been having pain on my right side, from my op site lower right abdomen up to my shoulder. I thought they were related to adhesions, scar tissue as a result of my bowel surgery. I saw a therapist who specialised in this sort of problem. She thought she could feel adhesions but wouldn't proceed without authorisation from my oncology consultant. In the meantime I discovered that maybe it was constipation! Constipation cleared, pain disappeared. I had begun to take strong painkillers to alleviate the discomfort. Ironically they increase constipation. When my constipation cleared I stopped the painkillers as they were making me feel very spaced out and unwell and hey presto! pain disappeared. And my consultant was not open to the idea so end of story.
I declined the CT scan at the end of May as I was feeling so well. No matter the outcome of the scan, treatment wouldn't change. There is no further treatment from the NHS and my own self treatment probably wouldn't change. So why get a massive dose of radiation for nothing? My GP wanted monthly blood tests. The first month showed some deranged liver function and a falling Hb. The second month showed some worsening liver function and yet a further drop in my HB levels. So my GP has put me on large doses of iron. Next blood test due tomorrow July12. My Chinese medical practitioner has made some prescription changes in the light of my liver function so it will be interesting to see if that has made a difference. Next CT Scan due the end of August. I'm curious to see the results, so will go with this one. I have some pain over my liver and my oncologist says my liver is is enlarged so I'm anxious to see the state of play inside. Just feeling tired a lot of the time.
I have learned a lot on this Journey. Without sounding too trite, I have awakened to a lot going on inside myself, things I never dreamed were there. Good things, as well as things that I felt I needed to sort out before I could move on. I have discovered I have been carrying a lot of emotional baggage, things I had taken on board early in life that I didn't need to or weren't healthy for me to be hanging on to. Dump the junk!
I have discovered that there is a wellspring of love within me, a sort of two way communication of love, an ability to give and to receive the same, the expression of which was hampered only by issues from the past and fears in the present. I have discovered who's important and who are holding me back, who my friends really are, who love me and rally in a crisis. I needed teachers to help me wake up and Life supplied them in the form of my friends and colleagues in Recovery and Theatres. They rallied round with love and love in the form of donations, and the group that rallied closest were "Steve's Angels".
Steve's Angels was started by a group of my colleagues who texted me a few months ago, saying there was a group who wanted to do the 'Race For Life' and would I mind if they called themselves "Steve's Angels"? Would I mind?! I was over the moon, that so many people cared that much for me that they would start running, (most took little or no exercise) with the express purpose of raising money for cancer research. Fortunately, my wife, Sara, and one of her running colleagues had just qualified as England's Athletics instructors, with the qualification to teach people on a 'couch to 5k' basis. They were eager to start. So Sunday mornings found us and a handful of Angels at Plock Court training for the big day, running (or walking), stretching and generally preparing for the ladies - only race. They were motivated, I was blown away by their love and wanted nothing more than to encourage them.
Race day was July 10. Everyone showed up. Even the children, ( bless you Charlotte, there's a special place in my heart for you!) One of our sons, Matt came (our other son, James, was at a music festival). And the weather held. It was hard for everyone; some of the Angels that ran had lost loved ones to cancer and something like this reopens old wounds. To say they were brave is an understatement. Even Owlnet Photography came and took professional pics!
And now Steve's Angels have got the bug! They want to do more. They're brimming over with ideas!
What have they started?
Thank you girls for teaching me what love is really about.
I love you all.
More soon!
Steve
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