Kemo Krash!

 It seems to be a bit of a pattern. Chemo ends Wednesday, energy down Thursday, Friday,  Saturday, Sunday, Monday until I go to choir practice. Then, after choir,  I feel great.

It's a Fatigue. Not tired, as I'm sleeping pretty well. Just an inability to perform basic functions, particularly around the house. Like the ironing or washing up. "I'm feeling fatigued!  I couldn't possibly tidy the kitchen". Or, "I'm sorry, my love, I can't  do the ironing, I have cancer!"

 Actually, I can only get away with the above part of the time. Sara does far too much already,  and would do more if I didn't intervene.  Matt is doing his GCSEs this year and needs  directing and motivating.  Between her job and her caring Homelife she has more than a full plate and I do worry about her.

I'm loving cooking though.   Fab Vegan meals with lots of veg.  I like to have something nice ready for when Sara gets home. Last night it was Vegan black bean chilli cooked with homemade chipotle ( thanks to Carole and Humphrey for the Scotch Bonnet chilies; fiery and tasty in the chilli and the chipotle). With quinoa cooked in lime juice and coriander, it was lush. Tonight it's going to be butter beans with pomegranate seeds on a bed of cooked spinach.  Only vegetables will be harmed in the making of this meal!

 Despite the ups and downs, the constant rollercoaster ride, the fatigue, the peripheral neuropathy and subsequent sensitivity to cold, I remain upbeat and positive.  I have an an Enduring Faith and an awareness that this is indeed a Wake-Up Call. Although an unpredictable future awaits, my it will never be the same.   I have a deeper appreciation of life and the world around me. The sun shining in our local park activates a vibrancy and a livingness that I was only partially aware of before.  I say good morning to more people on my walk through the park than I have ever done before; everybody seems to smile. The daily news bulletins are dire, but there is joy in the world, and I'm feeling it at a deep level.  Caring family – both here and abroad – friends, acquaintances, (some of which I hardly know), and not least of all caring work colleagues are transforming my life.  I owe so much to all of you.

 And I will tidy the kitchen. And, er, the ironing. Promise...